The Temple of Bague

This is probably the best game I’ve played on the DS to date, but it would have worked just as well on the GBA. In fact, given that I’ve been happily playing this game in rogue/hack/nethack/angband/zangband form for near enough twenty years, I’m pretty sure it would work just as well on any platform you care to mention.

Simply put, Mystery Dungeon is a roguelike. This means it’s a completely turn based (and by that, I mean everything is turn based, not just the combat) dungeon crawler where the dungeons are randomly generated. It also features the permanent death (with a few exceptions) system that appears in all other roguelikes. The exceptions are that you have the facility to store items in various warehouses throughout the dungeons so those items are available for future incarnations of yourself. You can also request a rescue from someone on your friends list, so they can go on an adventure to recover your stuff and then send you a revive scroll. Other than that, though - if your HP falls to zero, it’s back to level one with no items. And that’s the way it should be.

This type of playstyle leads to the careful planning that other roguelikes involve, such as levelling up a weapon over many sessions but not carrying it with you (keeping it in the warehouse), but instead keeping it for a future uberrun. It also encourages some defensive planning - last night I wandered into a room where there was an enemy on every tile. I didn’t have any sleep or AoE scrolls, and so died very quickly. I’ll make sure I have a scroll in future.

Reading reviews of this game don’t give you an idea of what it’s like - the reviews I’ve read are conclusive proof that the reviewers just don’t get the genre (IGN 6.5/10, GameSpot 6/10) and their repeated moans about the “lack of save function” reveals that they think the point is to get to the end of the story, not to master the dungeon. It’s telling that the reader reviews for both those sites are 8/10 and 8.5/10 respectively.

One reviewer in particular came out with the following:

ChunSoft certainly has managed to get the randomization thing down, but that just makes the entire dungeon experience hit-or-miss. Random does not equal good. Far too often the dungeon’s exit would appear in the same room we started (or even in the very next space), thus negating any need to explore that floor.

This is, I think, all the evidence needed that the reviewer is either 12 years old, has never played anything except Final Fantasy, or has completely missed the point of Mystery Dungeon.

Anyway, as roguelikes go, it sacrifices the complexity of Zangband for the action of Nethack. It’s awesomely good. So far, my character has reached level 8 before the aforemention roomful of monsters. Another humiliating death was caused on Pegasus Ridge - don’t let the spirit of the evil bloke get into a Rice Changer. It turns the Rice Changer into a Rice Boss who, in turn, turns you into a Rice Cake and kills you. Not pretty.

Yet another embarrassing death, or “Why it’s important to research your class”. Ok, so a new character, level two, rummaging around in the first level of the dungeon. Suddenley I’m hungry. Oh dear, think I, I’ve been too busy playing with the magic system and learning spells that I’ve neglected to eat. Oh! I have no food! That’s strange, I’d better nip back to the surface and buy some. DEAD.

Hmmm what happened there? Oh - that’s right - I decided to try out a Vampire. Which is why I didn’t have any food. Oh, it’s daytime!

First stage of Campaign mode complet0rised! The Pirates are defeated and Bague’s Avengers are victorious! Now I’m up to my eyes in bi-plane flying World War 1 Germans! With the stupendous amount of coins I earned, I’ve unlocked the dreaded Concrete Donkey and the wonderful new Buffalo of Lies!

I’ve also discovered that by pressing select, I can toggle the top screen between play-area extension and world map - the latter definitely seems to be more useful, but we’ll see.

Despite being somewhat disappointed with the horrifically buggy and, frankly, unfinished Open Warfare a year or two ago, the lure of mass invertebrate extermination on a handheld console was reaching fever pitch when I spotted that Open Warfare 2 was getting better reviews. Imagine my discomfort, then, when discovering that it was sitting for a tempting 15 quid in my local GameStation.

So, first thoughts - the interface is excellent - much better than its predecessor. All the usual suspects are there - including the Holy Hand Grenade and Banana Bomb (both of which have, I understand, been inexplicably excluded from the recent Wii release). There’s a comprehensive team editor, including a fairly simple pixel program for editing your team flag. I was horrified to discover, though, that “Angry Scots” wasn’t available as a team language.

Until, that is, I completed the training mission and took the 1300 or so points I’d earned to the unlock shop - yes, Angry Scots is there for a measly 300 points, so JOCKS GET! My team has now been converted to a band of blue-painted rampaging celts. Oh - that they are, as ever, Bague’s Avengers. The teams are limited to four worms, though, so only Bague, Craig, Scabe and Plague are putting in an appearance - Babe, Tabe, Flabe, Mabe are currently languishing in the PC version.

So, I’ve only really done the tutorials so far and the resolution was worrying me a little - going from 1280×800 down to DS size was a bit of a concern. As it happens, it’s not too bad - the double height screen helps a lot so it’s only really a bit more panning that’s required.

Oh, and it has pirates.

This game is celebrating its tenth anniversary this year. And it’s still miles better than many other titles available for the PC. It’s just stupid, funny, ultra-violent and, well, daft.

So I’ve created a team called Bague’s Avengers and am working my way up through the ranks in deathmatch mode, cos it’s just got to be done. They are, naturally, voiced by the Angry Scots voicebank.