The Temple of the Mighty Bague

What an absolutely beautiful movie - right up to the point where it suddenly has the most miserable ending in movie history. I’m now thoroughly depressed.

Bah.

The Killer Shrews, made in 1959, is everything a B-movie should be. Really really bad, really really funny, and awesome entertainment. IMDB give this film 2.5/10 which is probably 2.5 more than it actually deserves in terms of artistic merits, but who cares! Ray Kellog manages to direct this truly dreadful script with flair and panache and the lovely black-and-white lightening is done to a tee - especially during the faked up storm sequences.

Basically, the dubiously named Captain Thorne Sherman (James Best) arrives on an island with a cargo of supplies for a mad scientist. Sadly, the mad scientist has been busy training EVIL KILLER SHREWS which, as you’d expect, have broken free and are RUNNING AMOK on the island. Some nice characterisation, an interesting semi-abusive love triangle, and a few moments demonstrating that the “hero” is actually a bit of a murderous sod make this a little more thought provoking than most monster movies, but who cares! The titular shrews (oobits dressed up) manage to gallop around cheerfully and steal the scene every time they appear - especially the bit with the kitchen door.

You’ll be able to pick this movie up (along with The Giant Gila Monster and The Giant Leeches (see a theme here?)) in a box called “Monster Attack” available for tuppence at most disreputable discount bookshops or here.

I don’t know where to start. I really don’t. I think I need to make an assumption, really. If you watched Shaun of the Dead and thought that (a) it was really stupid and (b)  that that was a bad thing, then you’re not going to enjoy Hot Fuzz. It’s another ACEBEST stupid-fest by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, the team who brought us SotD (obviously) and Spaced. And it’s just, well, daft. My wife and I sat in the cinema barely able to breathe for laughing. The trouble is, we didn’t see a lot of evidence of similar behaviour anywhere else around us.

Anyway - basically, Simon Pegg is a top London police officer who gets sent off to the quietest village in the country because his arrest record is making everyone else look bad. Unfortunately, all in the village is not as it seems, and once the body-count starts to rise, Officer Angel (Pegg) decides to do things his way. Hilarity, obviously, would have ensued at this point if it hadn’t already ensued from the first second of the film.

Bits to look out for: the journalists demise, description of the missing swan, underaged drinking, you’ve got a moustache, have you ever jumped through the air shooting two guns while going “aaargh!”, point blank.

Ace movie, but you have to understand that something being stupid isn’t a bad thing.

Why is it that the trinity of Danny Elfman, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp can do no wrong? Yet again, this is another triumph of cinema backed with a particularly beautiful soundtrack. The only downside is that Christopher Lee doesn’t get to sing, but we can’t have everything

Right. So, the film is what - 90 minutes? 90 minutes of crawling about. In the dark. In tiny cramped spaces. While being pursued by hideous flesh-eating Gollum look-a-likies.

I’m traumatised. I feel absolutely exhausted and drained. What an amazingly ACE movie!