The Clan of the Cave Bague

Ok, so I don’t do this, ok? I *never* fall for quirky ads, I am no-one’s target market, and I would never ever EVER propagate viral marketing. Ok? We clear on that?

But still – this is genius.

We’ve had a bit of a pirates of the caribbean weekend. All in, three cracking movies but dear god what’s with the utterly depressing ending? It’s a Disney movie for heaven’s sake! We expect HAPPY SHINY endings in our Disney movies, thankyouverymuch.

Mrs Gubbins and the children saw this a while back and had a good old rave about it, but I only saw it for the first time last night. And, well, it’s fantastic! It’s basically a fairytale, but for modern times (yes, that old cliche), in that it has a sense of humour, a wide streak of darkness, and a gimpy hero character. It tells the story of a young lad who dashes off to recover a fallen star to impress some stuck-up strumpet who really only deserves a good slapping. The fallen star turns out, surprise surprise, to be a pretty girl instead of the expected mass of meteoric iron and rock. Hilarity ensues.

There are a whole ton of memorable moments – Robert De Niro camping it up as a pirate with a secret, for one. The wink he exchanges with one of the other characters at the end provoked an out-loud laugh from me – it spoke volumes. 

So, basically, not just for kids – 9/10.

M’okay, overbearing workaholic mum takes extremely traumatised daughter and her equally traumatised horse to see Robert Redford. Redford is, apparently, a horse whisperer and is able to settle and calm the most disturbed of beasts. Presumably, it’s the horse he’s to look after, and not the daughter.

Anyway, horse is healed, daughter is healed, workaholic mum is healed – romance ensues. Except she is, of course, already married. Confusion ensues. Then they all, quite inexplicably, go home.

6/10.

Well, our local soulless multiplex is doing a retro season at the moment and took it upon themselves to screen a newly restored version of The Dam Busters. As this happens to be one of my all-time favourite movies, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to go and see it on a big screen, and even managed to convince my Dad to come along with me.

I have to say, I was stunned at the quality of the restoration job. The only time any film damage can be seen is in some of the distance and archive shots – other than that it’s beautiful clean and crisp, with none of the lack of contrast normally visible in the tired old prints that tend to get dumped to DVD these days. The sound suffered a little but I think that’s more to do with the projectionist not knowing how best to downmix single channel audio, but it’s a small price to pay to see such a wonderful movie as it was meant to be seen.

I’m sure the inevitable remake will have lots of clever CGI zoomy swoopiness, but I bet they won’t be flying lancasters at sixty feet like they do in this version.

I think I must be getting old. This is a bleak, humourless and generally unpleasant movie with no redeeming features whatsoever. Which surprised me a lot, given the fantastic cast.

Essentially, it’s the story of a group of harrassed, bullied and generally timid guys who fall in with a court-martialled ex-squaddie freshly back from Iraq who is having difficulty adjusting to being a civilian. The main theme, if there actually is one, is the journey of one of the characters from a timid, gentle office worker into a smiling bloodthirsty killer with no conscience.

Is the movie trying to tell us that this is what modern society does to people? I beg to differ – that’s what movies like THIS does to people. The writer of this film has spent too long watching the news and not enough time out speaking to people. If the world really was as bleak a place as this film suggests there’d be no hope for any of us. Yeah, there’s a lot of people out there with no respect for human life, but they’re not in the majority yet.

We watched this last night. We have nicknamed it the film with the wee orange tent;-) In just about every scene there it is. Watch it and you will see We really enjoyed the film although it made us feel chilled.

I find it incredible that the Hollywood that produced masterpieces like this in the fifties is now serving up slices of badly written sequel served on a buttered shite. 12 jurors in a room, 11 guilty votes, 1 not guilty vote, and a death sentence. Either eleven men have to convince one man to take a young lad’s life, or one man has to convince eleven men that they’re wrong.

Pretty simple premise, really, but it results in 90-odd minutes of utterley compelling cinema. Every cast member puts in a riveting performance. This is up there with Inherit the Wind.

Henry Fonda, representing the dissenting “Not Guilty” vote, reminds us all what any democratic justice system is all about. The onus is not on the defence to prove that a person is innocent, it’s up to the prosecution to prove his guilt. All Mr Fonda does is point out those areas where he believes there is a reasonable doubt. The journey of each jury member from guilt to innocence shows a revealing sketch of their character and prejudices.

HMV currently sell this movie for three quid. You owe it to yourself.

Pan’s Labyrinth is a very odd movie. It’s essentially the story of a young girl named Ophelia living in post-Franco Spain in 1944, whose mother – through necessity – marries a brutal fascist army captain. After moving to the captain’s rural posting, where he’s involved with stamping out a local resistance group, she discovers a labyrinth in the woods behind the house.

In the labyrinth, Ofelia meets a fantasy creature who hints that she’s not just a little girl like any other, but is the reincarnation of the princess of the fairy kingdom and, through performing several tasks, can reclaim her throne and “real” family.

As the brutal excesses of the captain grow, so do the outlandish escapes in the fantasy world. Is the world of the labyrinth an entirely fictional construct, made to escape the grim reality of her life, or is it something more real? Events in the fantasy world leave a mark on the real world and vice versa.

This is a movie which, like all the best movies, demands discussion and interpretation.

What an absolutely beautiful movie – right up to the point where it suddenly has the most miserable ending in movie history. I’m now thoroughly depressed.

Bah.