Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category
Just had an email from Scottish Power, bless ‘em. They say “Wholesale energy prices have been rising dramatically too, and although we’ve been doing what we can to absorb these costs for as long as possible, we now have to increase our prices.”
Looking a little deeper, I found that their profits have fallen from €508.8m a year to a mere €367.8 million. Poor wee things.
Anyone up for organising a whip-round to help them out?
Just been disgusted by the ‘reporting’ of the Japan disaster on the BBC’s news at 5 on radio 4, particularly the obvious relish with which the ‘reporter’ attempted to invent more tragedy by asking leading questions of the survivors with regards to the Japanese government’s response to the crisis. “How long will it be before you run out of supplies and there’s civil unrest?” Is that REALLY a suitable question to ask someone who’s just lost his children?
I switched off at the point where the presenter was desperately trying to put words into the mouth of a retired IAEA official by criticising the ‘poor PR exercise’ of people who are still attempting to wrestle nuclear reactors under control.
Absolutely sickened by this – it’s quite obvious the BBC have joined the Daily Mail and all the other carrion crows in their reporting style. Vijay Mahrra had it right – it’s nothing more than ‘disaster porn’.
How can we say we’re civilised?
A friend of mine has worked ceaselessly over the past few weeks to raise enough money to make a bid for Alan Turing’s papers. Sadly, the bid was unsuccessful although the papers haven’t yet been sold.
How could this even come about?
Alan Turing was a mathematician and logician who was highly influential in the creation of what we now call computer science or informatics. The machine you’re reading this on right now may not have existed were it not for his pioneering work. During the second world war, he worked at Bletchley Park, Britain’s code-breaking centre, and (amongst other things) devised the algorithms used to crack codes generated by the Enigma machine.
Why is it, then, that a private individual needs to scrounge around the internet seeking donations to retain these papers in the Museum of Computing at Bletchley Park? Why is there even any question of where they belong?
And how was Turing repaid for his services? He was arrested for homosexuality in 1952 and given a choice of chemical castration or prison. Two years later he was dead.
It took fifty five years from the date of his death for the British Government to apologise for the way this beautiful genius was treated by the country he served so valiantly – the same amount of time, incidentally, between Oscar Wilde’s imprisonment for the same ‘offence’ and Turing’s own sentencing.
And they couldn’t stump up the cash to retain documents of such importance? Despite bailing out banks who squandered carelessly? Despite letting Vodafone off the hook with their tax bill? They could have purchased these papers for a fraction the cost of politicians second homes for a few months.
So I ask again – how can we say we’re civilised? We persecute the Wildes, the Turings, the Tchaikovskys, and apologise fifty years after the fact. But do we then go on to acknowledge their contributions? Do our children know who they are? Are they taught about the contributions to art, science, and knowledge that these magnificent people made?
No.
Instead they venerate Simon Cowell for his rudeness and wealth. They venerate Piers Morgan for….. no readily apparent reason. They venerate the latest z-list celebrity to win “I’m a non-celebrity x-factoid strictly on ice”.
Sometimes I fear all beauty, originality and genius is fleeing the planet. Maybe it’s safer to do so.
So, Gareth, many many thanks for your valiant attempt at bringing a little bit of decency to Britain. As long as the likes of you are around, we haven’t lost the fight just yet.
The Mail:
From: John Dow
Sent: 18 March 2010 12:09
To: DEVINE, Jim
Subject: Don’t rush through extreme internet lawsJohn Dow
34 Random Street
Anytown
EH54Dear Mr Devine
I’m writing to you today because I’m very worried that the Government is planning to rush the Digital Economy Bill into law without a full Parliamentary debate.
The law is controversial and contains many measures that concern me. The controversial Bill deserves proper scrutiny so please don’t let the government rush it through. Many people think it will damage schools and businesses as well as innocent people who rely on the internet because it will allow the Government to disconnect people it suspects of copyright infringement.
Industry experts, internet service providers (like Talk Talk and BT) and huge internet companies like Google and Yahoo are all opposing the bill – yet the Government seems intent on forcing it through without a real debate.
As a constituent I am writing to you today to ask you to do all you can to ensure the Government doesn’t just rush the bill through and deny us our democratic right to scrutiny and debate.
John Dow
The Reply:
On 18 March 2010 12:54, DEVINE, Jim <DEVINEJ@parliament.uk> wrote:
Good afternoon Mr DowDigital Economy Bill
I have spoken to Mr Devine this morning and he has asked me to thank you for your email.
He asked me to let you know that the business of the House of Commons has now been announced up to 5th April 2010 and the second reading of the Digital Economy Bill has not been included.
He would therefore be very surprised if this were to go ahead before the general election is called.
If this situation changes he will, however, do everything he can to ensure that the Minister is made aware of your concerns.
Yours sincerely
Senior Caseworker
Office of Jim Devine MP
Suite 5 – Pentland House
LIVINGSTON EH54 6NG
The Rant
Dear Mr Devine,
Thank you for your offices reply. As you’ll be aware, the second reading of the bill in question took place on the 6th. A remarkable coincidence. Also, according to the following article in the Times, my fears were completely justified as very few MPs, actually bothered to attend.
May I draw your attention to the following paragraph from the article:
“The controversial Bill was voted through its second Parliamentary reading, looking increasingly likely to be made into law. However, at its peak turnout, only 40 MPs, approximately five per cent of the total 646 members, showed up to listen to the debate which preceded the vote. ”
As it’s clear that the situation has changed, as you put it, can you let me know what steps you have taken to make the minister aware of my concerns?
Regards
John Dow
The state of Government in this country is ridiculous.
And the reprise:
Good afternoon Mr Dow
Mr Devine has asked me to let you know that he been actively making representations to the Minister to ensure a full debate on the Digital Economy Bill  but that, since the General Election has been called and he is not standing as a candidate, it is not appropriate for him to be involved further.
It appears, then, that West Lothian currently has no representation in Parliament. Outstanding.
How many syllables, Dear Reader, are there in “car”?
Yup, that’s right. One.
So how many syllables are there in “C”?
No, you’re quite right – it’s also one.
So you would think there would be little point in replacing the word “Car” with “C”, would you? It’s not an improvement in terms of efficiency of language – if anything the opposite is true.
So, you can image my confusion this morning when someone on Radio 4 was referring to a “car bomb” as a “C-bomb”. Why would they want to do that, I wonder?
Because, Dear Reader, “C Bomb” sounds a bit like “A bomb” or “H bomb”, and as a result sounds scarier. And as we all know, it’s the job of the British media to frighten their audiences. Responsible journalism be damned – all they want is sensationalism, frightening content, and hyperbole. And if the news doesn’t exist, make it up.
It’s interesting that Messers Ross and Brand got themselves all over the news in the same week their new books were released.
$COW-ORKER: John, my phone’s not working. I was speaking to someone and it went dead.
Me: Is it plugged in?
$COW-ORKER: Of course it’s plugged in. I was speaking to someone on it!
Me: But is it plugged in?
$COW-ORKER: Well obviously it’s plugged in because I was able to make a call before it went dead!
Me: But is it currently plugged in?
$COW-ORKER: The phone is clearly faulty.
<I go and check>
Me: The phone isn’t plugged in.Â
So, my mammie bought us this hyacinth in a pot. It’s very very pretty but smells like dead things. It was sitting on the kitchen window sill and every time anyone walked past it they made a comment about the unnatural reek emanating from it. Because of all the bad vibes being directed at the poor thing it began to wither. So I took it upon myself to save it from a life of verbal abuse and take it into work with me. What I didn’t know is that it’s also cursed.
So there I was, ambling along the path with my laptop bag over my shoulder, my lunch bag in one hand and the cursed pot plant in the other hand, with my lovely wife wandering along behind carrying my baritone.
The plant obviously objected to being removed from its area of influence because two seconds later I stepped on what can only be described as the only patch of ice in the whole of West Lothian, and down I went. The yoghurt in my lunch bag exploded, covering my lunch in banana flavoured goo, my laptop bag fell to the ground with a sickening crunch, and I sustained 2d4 hit points of damage.
The Hyacinth (purple) scattered to the four winds but, despite its best efforts was unable to drag me into its self-destructive attention seeking.
I was really annoyed – until, that is, my wife sent me a link to Virtual Florist. The meaning attached to a Purple Hyacinth is “I am sorry, Please forgive me”. Or just generally “Sorrow”.
I’ll think about it.
The Ministry of Defence have announced five days of depleted uranium (DU) weapons-testing on its Dundrennan range in Kirkcudbrightshire, Scotland. Despite numerous scientific studies proving the health and environmental damage of DU missiles, as well as growing international criticism of the weapons, the MOD continues to stick its fingers in its ears and repeat its mantra – “Na, na, na. I can’t hear you!â€
According to a blog I’ve just come across, Gordon Brown has testified in court (via legal representation, one would expect) that manifesto pledges aren’t actually something to take seriously. Really?
Is there more to life than shoes?: Did you think a manifesto pledge meant something?
A bloke I know works for the Britannia Building Society. He’s just received the following internal memo.
Piggy Banks or Froggy Banks?
As a result of feedback received from our members through the Feedback Café, we have made changes to our Piggy Bank Promotion.
We were made aware that we have members and potential members who are interested in our children’s savings account but their religious beliefs may mean that they are unable to take out the account due to the savings bank being a pig.
To ensure that the account appeals to everyone and that there are no disappointed children out there we have secured a limited stock of ‘Froggy Banks’ as an alternative to the ‘Piggy Banks’ for customers in this situation.
The ‘Froggy Banks’ are not to be offered as an alternative to all customers, only offer ‘Froggy Banks’ to customers who advise you of a religious or cultural reason that may prevent them from taking out this account. .
If you would like to order a ‘Froggy Bank’ please follow the following process;
Now, forgive me if I’m being naive, but this is the BRITANNIA building society, yes? It’s not the INDIA, or ARABIA? Last time I looked, Piggy Banks have been a part of British culture since the 18th Century. But now, it appears, Britannia are to offer a Froggy bank as an “alternative” to a Piggy Bank to those customers who are insecure enough as to be offended by a pottery piggy. And who pays for the special run of Froggy Banks, do you think? Will it be reflected in the interest rate offered to those for whom a standard piggy bank isn’t good enough? Course not – it’ll be factored into the overall costs that ALL customers pay. Even the ones without a morbid terror of all things porky.
So there we have it – established business practices and social traditions can be overturned on a whim just to be politically correct. I don’t know about anyone else, but I find the idea of brutalising women, corporal punishment and forced marriages offensive. Don’t see any of those things being publicly criticised any time soon.
The thing I find the most wierd about this is that I know loads of Muslims, none of whom would bat an eyelid at a piggy bank. So who are these people popping up and complaining about piggy banks, nativity plays, etc etc. I don’t actually think they exist. The Muslims I know personally are well-adjusted, gentle, friendly people. These few people throwing a strop at every little thing are doing no favours for Islam.
The christians in this country are constantly being reminded that it’s a multicultural society and that we should be tolerant and accepting.
It seems to me that all the “tolerance” is going down a one-way street.
p.s. I noticed that NatWest are currently using piggy bank imagery in their printed material – expect that to be dropped real soon.
p.p.s. Pork is banned in Islam. Piggy banks aren’t made out of pork.